![]() ![]() This is hardly originality that will knock me over with a feather. Has drinking liquor really become so much of a challenge? Never mind that even young children, penetrating their parents’ liquor cabinets from the age their hands can first turn a knob, very quickly grasp that no liquor can be enjoyed in volume without some measure to off-set violently spinning heads and rebelling stomachs - oh no, rather the population should fork over a premium for “prepared cocktails”, which are essentially vodka coolers in larger bottles. Would it be so awful for them to pay attention to the fact that Tuscany is too far north for this kind of drinking? That Tuscany is well-known and heavily-visited for its wine-growing and gastronomic culture, and that you will be regarded as a contemptible backpacking tourist if you order a cocktail anywhere within my borders?Īnd worse yet, I would perhaps not be nearly so insulted if the drink were actually good.Īmong many other vendors, Smirnoff has decided that the drinking population is too mentally challenged to take a bottle of liquor and combine it with a dilution of some sort, thus producing a cocktail. So, even while the allegedly fine people of Smirnoff are happy to smear my good name across their bottle, as well as some perverse, ghostly apparition of my most famous landmarks, they aren’t actually willing to do fifteen minutes’ worth of internet research. Avril Lavigne drinks it, and then is inspired to write “music.” So much for Tuscan culture.It is generally distilled in the South of Italy, so YOU’VE GOT ME why it has anything to do with me. ![]() Yes, it is sweet, because it is made from the lemon rind rather than the fruit, so the bitterness of the juice does not carry over.Yes, it is a liqueur that is made from lemons - and also sugar, 96% alcohol, water and that’s about it, so what we’re really dealing with here is moonshine that’s yellow like the daylight.Yes, I am referring to Smirnoff Tuscan Lemonade, Flavored With Real Limoncello.īefore I go on, permit me to offer a few words of background on the topic of Limoncello. Rather, I have manifested myself specifically to address a most unsettling development, one presents the greatest threat to the reputation of this region since General Mills first brainstormed the concept of Tuscan (later changed to “Toucan” after a lengthy law suit) Sam. ![]() But is it Tuscany? Does it bring life and love back to Diane Lane’s broken heart, in the form of a disembodied arm offering sunflowers? Let us not kid ourselves.īut I have not summoned the incredible magical spirit to personify myself in the form of a blog post just to discuss the fine, exciting career of Diane Lane (though did you see her in Unfaithful? Damnation!). Of course, France features several beautiful places, including Paris, the city so nice that they surrendered it at least twice. Ha ha ha ha, of course, I do not mean to be so cruel. What do the French have to offer? Marseille? After all, the capitol of Tuscany is Florence, a hub of culture, history and art for hundreds of years. If this star of stage and screen and cosmetics commercials for older middle-aged women cannot convince you, then there is very little we have to say to each other. Naturally! I am the birthplace of the Renaissance! Waypoint for pilgrims and center of trade in the Mediterranean for many ages! And most importantly - did you not know that I, Tuscany, am the new Provence? Indeed it is so! There was a time when Provence went from an understandably-appreciated gem to an over-hyped, highly-romanticized, tourist-crushed cliché but now, it is Tuscany’s turn!ĭo you doubt me? Perhaps you are not a fan of the works of a certain American super-star by the name of… Diane Lane? It is just my way of joking: Of course it is a great pleasure for you to meet me. Truly, it must be a great pleasure for you to meet me. I speak to you directly now, the embodiment of all the beautiful culture, geography, and architecture spread out across 23,000 square kilometers and several thousand years of history! Indeed, I am the anthropomorphic personification of all those things, reaching out to you through the internet. Yes! Tuscany, the well-known region of Italy. ![]()
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